


restless & wreckless

by silver_etoile



Category: SKAM (Netherlands), WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, badboy!lucas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:40:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25934551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_etoile/pseuds/silver_etoile
Summary: Lucas is looking for something to do, and Jens seems willing to do it.
Relationships: Jens Stoffels/Lucas van der Heijden
Comments: 30
Kudos: 143





	1. Chapter 1

Lucas kicked the chair in front of his desk, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket as he glared at the clock ticking on the wall. Fingering the joint in his pocket, he barely glanced up as the classroom door swung open and someone new stepped inside.

Dark hair, smooth, tan skin, a shiny silver hoop through one ear. Lucas watched the guy slide into the chair in front of him, a casual slump to his shoulders, a tiny huff of frustration as he dropped his bag on the ground.

Leaning back, Lucas let his gaze fall down the guys’ back, over the short hairs on the back of his neck, smooth lines of his tee shirt. Biting his tongue, Lucas kicked the chair again, watching the way the guy paused, didn’t glance back. Lucas smiled to himself at the lack of reaction. So that was how they were going to play it?

“Detention again, Lucas?” The teacher, an old, frumpy man who always spent the whole of detention with his nose stuck in a textbook, sounded unimpressed as he entered the room and took his place at the front of the class. “Seems to be becoming a habit.”

Lucas didn’t reply, rolling his eyes and slumping in his chair.

“And Jens,” the teacher went on, and the guy in front of Lucas’ head lifted slightly. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

Jens said nothing as well, but Lucas kept his gaze on the back of his neck. He’d seen Jens around school, always hanging with his friends, those dorky guys who spent more time skateboarding than anything else. He’d seen Jens talking to girls, doing that thing where he tilted his head to the side, furrowed his eyebrows as though he was a serious guy, smiled with his whole body as he flirted. Lucas had seen all that.

“You both know how it goes,” the teacher said. “I have to go get some papers from my box. I’ll be right back. Don’t even think about leaving.”

Lucas wasn’t thinking about leaving, even though he could. He could walk out of there right now and there was nothing Mr. Frumpy could do to stop him. Give him another detention? Like it even mattered.

Instead of getting up and walking right through the door, Lucas narrowed his eyes and kicked Jens’ chair again, watching, waiting for him to do something other than ignore him.

On the third kick, Jens turned around, expression unimpressed. “What?”

“What’d you do?” Lucas asked, smirking as Jens hesitated. It was either something bad or something embarrassing.

“It’s not important,” Jens said finally, and Lucas laughed.

“I’m sure it’s not,” he replied even as Jens frowned. “’Cause if it was, you wouldn’t tell me.”

“I don’t even know you,” Jens said, setting his arm on Lucas’ desk, and Lucas’ gaze drifted to the smooth skin, tiny dark hairs over his forearm, strong hands resting against the fake wood.

“Not much to know,” Lucas said with a jerk of his chin, though it was probably far from the truth. He didn’t need Jens to know why he was in detention, that it was preferable to going home to his dad and his new wife in this strange new city he’d dragged him to a few months ago. He’d rather keep the air of mystery, the shroud around his perfectly worn jean jacket, the cigarette tucked behind his ear, the way everyone at school seemed to avoid him as though either afraid or intimidated.

Jens paused for a second, taking in Lucas this time. He didn’t like it, the searching gaze, evaluating, looking for something that wasn’t there. He felt exposed as he leaned back, tugged his jacket tight with his hands in his pockets as though it would protect him.

“What?” he said this time, sharp, demanding, as Jens’ gaze snapped back to his face.

“What’d you do?”

Scoffing, Lucas jerked his shoulders. “The usual.”

Jens didn’t ask what ‘the usual’ was, and Lucas didn’t care. It didn’t matter why he was here, just that he was. With Jens. Spending their afternoon staring silently at the clock on the wall until it was over.

Lucas watched Jens lick his lips instead, tongue curling over his bottom up, thick and full and pink, and he frowned as he leaned forward in his chair.

“Let’s get out of here.”

“What?” Jens asked, frowning as though confused.

“Let’s get out of here,” Lucas repeated, slower, gazing intently at Jens, his deep brown eyes staring back, long eyelashes fluttering as he blinked. “Unless you’re scared of getting caught.”

It took a second, but Jens’ lips curled up in a smile, still disbelieving, as though maybe Lucas wasn’t joking.

He was far from joking as he watched Jens react. He’d seen Jens around for weeks, seen how he flirted with girls, unashamed, as though he thought he was the hottest thing since Steven Tyler. He’d seen Jens fit in so easily with everyone, knock back beers at parties Lucas hadn’t been invited to but crashed anyway, seen the way he’d drunkenly come on to that guy at the last one, made out with him in a corner before slinking away.

“Where would we go?” Jens asked finally, and Lucas grabbed his bag from the floor as he slid out of his chair, reaching out to tug a lock of Jens’ hair.

“Don’t be so concerned with the details,” he said, releasing Jens’ hair, fingers grazing down his cheek as he headed for the door. He didn’t have to look back to know Jens was scrambling after him.

*

“Come here often?” Jens asked, sounding skeptical even through the cloud of smoke he exhaled, coughing slightly.

Smirking, Lucas plucked the joint from his fingers, settling in on the long table that stretched the length of the staff room. The whole place smelled like old coffee and burnt ink from the copier in the corner. The lights were off, the room dim from the waning sun out the windows.

It was good weed, Lucas thought as he took a long drag, the smoke burning his lungs, and fuck, he needed this.

Jens perched on the table beside him, feet on a chair, running a hand through his hair, alternately checking the door, but there hadn’t been so much as a footstep since Lucas had led them there.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never gotten high at school?” Lucas asked, a teasing drawl that earned him the slightest smile at the corner of Jens’ mouth.

“Surprisingly, no,” Jens admitted, taking the joint from Lucas’ fingers this time, fingers brushing together for far too long, and Lucas would blame the weed for the tingle under his skin, the stirring deep in his chest as he watched Jens, intent, but it wasn’t the weed. It was something much darker inside, the part of him that spent too much time watching Jens with his stupid friends, the undeniable tug that made him want to talk to Jens, to get his attention somehow, even if it was kicking his chair in detention, staring at the freckles on the back of his neck, teasing him so easily.

“Glad I could be your first,” he said, and Jens laughed this time, biting his lower lip before taking a drag, tonguing the end of the joint slowly. Lucas wondered what else he could be first at as he watched Jens beside him.

“This is good shit,” Jens breathed after a minute, taking another drag.

“Special from the Netherlands,” Lucas said, leaning over, shoulder pressed to Jens’, feeling how Jens pressed back, body warm and solid. His lips were close to Jens’ as he snuck his fingers to the joint and pulled it from his lips.

Jens didn’t move away, chin tilting toward Lucas, and Lucas felt the breath he exhaled.

“Is that where you moved from?”

Lucas hummed, shrugging. It didn’t matter where he was from, why he’d moved there, that he’d had to leave everything behind. All that mattered was that he could see how Jens swallowed, his lips parted. This wasn’t some heart to heart, some moment of connection where Jens would learn everything there was to know about him. Lucas wasn’t interested in that.

Exhaling the smoke, Lucas watched it curl around Jens’ face, caressing his skin before dissipating into the air around them. Taking another drag, he reached for Jens’ chin, tilting it toward him, thumb parting his lips as they moved closer. Jens’ gaze dropped to his mouth, eyelashes brushing against his cheeks, faintly pink as Lucas leaned in, opening his mouth and exhaling the smoke into Jens’ parted lips.

Jens breathed it in, deep, barely a hesitation, and Lucas kept hold of his chin even as the smoke cleared, far more interested in the way Jens tongue flicked out over his lip, warmth breath against his own. 

A beat, a pause, then hot lips against his, drowning as Lucas’ fingers buried themselves in Jens’ hair amidst the slick slide of tongues, hot and dirty and fast. Jens’ lips were so soft as Lucas bit down, tugging Jens closer, hands sliding down his neck as he slid his tongue against Jens’.

Jens chased him, chased his lips, his mouth, his tongue, as desperate as Lucas had thought, but he didn’t smirk as he pressed into Jens, chest hot, heart racing, tasting the smoke on his tongue, slick and wet and dirty as Lucas’ fingers dug into his neck.

Jens panted when they parted, just for a second, just to gulp down air before meeting again, Lucas dragging Jens into his lap, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, sliding his tongue over the soft skin, drinking in the noise Jens made, desperate, wanting.

This was what Lucas wanted. Had wanted since he’d seen Jens across the courtyard, had wanted since Jens had walked into detention today, sat down in the seat right in front of him even though there were thirty empty chairs.

He knew what people said about him, muttered when he walked by in the halls, assumptions and rumors about why he was there, why he was in detention every week, why they should stay away from him. None of that mattered. He was used to it, being on his own, doing what he had to do to get by. He could handle that. He always had.

It was the little things that made it worth it, like getting Jens’ tongue in his mouth, the hot huff of breath in the space between them, gaze hot and intense as Jens stared back at him.

“Surprised?” Lucas breathed with a smirk, fingers curling around Jens’ ear, gliding down his throat, pressing against his pulse, rabbiting under his thumb.

“Not really,” Jens replied, murmured the words as he tilted his head, teasing, asking for more, desperate in a way that made Lucas smile, satisfied. He’d known there was something about Jens, something beyond the incessant flirting with girls, something deeper that made him want to dig his fingers into his neck, lick up his jaw until their lips met again for something rough, desperate, tugging at his chest as Jens’ hands gripped the edges of his jacket.

Lucas barely heard it, the clack of footsteps in the hall, the doorknob rattling.

“Shit!” Jens jerked away, and Lucas took a second to admire how red his lips were, even as the knob twisted. “Shit, shit!”

“Shut up,” Lucas said, grabbing Jens shirt and pulling him down, off the table. It was ungraceful as they tumbled to the floor, and Lucas dragged Jens under the table. “Quiet!”

Jens shut his mouth as the door opened, and through the legs of the table and chairs, Lucas could see a pair of worn brown shoes, khaki pants pausing in the doorway. Beside him, Lucas felt Jens breathing, and he blinked as Jens’ hand came to grip his thigh as the shoes stepped inside and paused again.

Even Lucas held his breath, just for a second, as the shoes took a step but then seemed to rethink and stepped back.

Instead of focusing on the shoes, Lucas found himself distracted by the line of Jens’ throat, far more interested in the pressure of Jens’ hand on his thigh, the tension in the room as the shoes squeaked on the floor as they turned.

As the door shut behind them, Jens let out a breath, and Lucas found himself smiling, laughing when Jens glanced at him.

“Are you insane?” Jens asked, and Lucas just grinned, shaking his head.

“Maybe,” he said, glancing at Jens’ hand that was still tight around his thigh. “But I think you like it.”

For a second, Jens didn’t reply, licking his lips, not removing his hand as he watched Lucas. But then his lips twitched after a second.

“You’re a bad idea.”

Rolling his eyes, Lucas nodded, pulling Jens back to his lips. “So I’ve heard.”


	2. Chapter 2

Lucas inspected the dark blue nail polish as he brushed on the last coat, glistening under the overcast sky above, ignoring the looks cast his way by fellow students as they milled around the courtyard on break. Propping his foot up on the low wall, Lucas twisted the bottle shut and blew on his nails to dry them, gaze drifting across the yard to where a familiar group of people stood by the wall.

As Lucas watched, Jens’ eyes slid past his friend, the tiny one with messy brown hair, over his shoulder, and landed on Lucas.

Lucas didn’t bother to look away, blowing on his nails slowly. He knew exactly why Jens was looking, that he wouldn’t do anything other than look, not out here, not with his friends all around—the loud one and the one who asked stupid questions in class. Lucas hadn’t bothered to learn their names. It wasn’t important, who they were.

Jens dropped his gaze a minute later and Lucas smirked to himself, shaking his head as he tested the dryness of his nails. They were still a little sticky and he raised them to his lips again as the bell rang for class.

Settling in, Lucas stayed on the ledge as the rest of the students headed inside. He had absolutely no desire to sit through another hour of class, another hour of things he didn’t care about. He’d learn just as much sitting out here, waiting for his nails to dry.

“Aren’t you going to class?”

Jens’ voice brought Lucas’ gaze up, finding him standing before him, hands in the pocket of his hoodie.

“Why?” Lucas asked, tilting his head to the side as Jens opened his mouth, like maybe he was thinking of the answer.

“Because we have to,” Jens said finally, and Lucas wondered where his friends had gone. Jens was rarely without them, except when he was hitting on girls. He must have thought his friends a liability where that was concerned. What did that say about why he was talking to Lucas?

Scoffing, Lucas blew on his nails again, watching how Jens’ eyebrows furrowed slightly. “Do you do everything you have to?”

Jens didn’t reply right away, jerking his shoulders instead. “I guess not.”

Standing there in the rapidly emptying courtyard, Lucas smiled to himself. He knew exactly what to expect with Jens. Jens was curious. Jens couldn’t resist the mystery of Lucas, the rumors that persisted about why he’d left The Netherlands, that he’d been expelled from his last school, that he’d set fire to the headmaster’s office.

Lucas didn’t care to correct the rumors. After all, they worked in his favor.

The more people speculated, the further they got from the truth.

They also worked with Jens, who was standing outside in the chill, overcast day just to ask why he wasn’t joining the herd going to class. Jens could already be inside, joking with his friend, the curly-haired one who sat two seats in front of Lucas and always kind of smelled like kabobs. But he wasn’t. And Lucas knew exactly why.

“I’m sick of being here,” Lucas said finally, tucking the nail polish bottle in his bag, swinging it over his shoulder as he pushed himself off the wall, coming far too close to Jens, eyes grazing down his chest for a lingering second. “I need some air.”

“We’re outside,” Jens said dumbly, and Lucas licked his lips, shaking his head instead of rolling his eyes. Jens wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box.

Stepping away, he glanced over his shoulder as Jens didn’t move.

“You coming?”

Jens seemed to pause, but not for very long as he joined Lucas and they left school behind.

*

In the few months Lucas had been in Antwerp, he’d learned a few things. For one, his dad was just as much of an asshole as he’d always suspected but never had confirmed until he’d moved them there. Two, there was absolutely nowhere interesting to go in Antwerp that wasn’t a museum or a park, and three, people really did fear the unknown.

Not Jens, though. Jens seemed to like it, seemed to be completely into following Lucas wherever he wanted to go. Even if it was a boring park, filled with winding paths, bushes and trees, graffiti-ed walls, benches with peeling paint, grass trampled and damp as Lucas leaned against the wide trunk of a tree, watching the way Jens looked around, stepping up to lean next to him, eyes sliding to Lucas.

Licking his lips, Lucas didn’t speak. There wasn’t anything to talk about as far as he was concerned, not even when he could see Jens thinking, trying to figure this out, figure him out.

He hadn’t picked Jens because he would push, would try to figure things out. He knew, from those few moments he’d spent with Jens, that Jens would do whatever he wanted. He’d followed him out here, hadn’t he? Had barely questioned it, was now watching Lucas’ mouth, eyes half-lidded, distracted as Lucas let his fingers drift over his neck.

His fingers closed around Jens’ hood, a sharp yank and Jens stumbled over his feet, dazed, pressed up against the tree as he licked his own lips slowly, wanting.

Jens’ lips were warm against Lucas’, a soft slide as they parted, invited Lucas’ tongue inside, sucked gently as his hands skated up Lucas’ back to grasp his neck. Despite the chill of the day, Lucas felt warm with his fingers curled in Jens’ red hoodie, releasing it only to push underneath the hem as Jens made a surprised noise.

He felt Jens’ heavy breath as he pulled away, and Lucas didn’t care what he was going to say as Jens opened his mouth.

“Lucas,” Jens got out as Lucas’ mouth slid down his jaw, caught somewhere between a protest and encouragement.

Lucas ignored him, tilting Jens’ jaw up, tongue sliding down his throat instead. He’d been with enough straight guys to know where the line was, where it went from just fucking around to being ‘too much.’ Kissing was okay, kissing was good, but hands anywhere other than over the clothes, except maybe a hand job with their eyes closed, was crossing some invisible line.

He wasn’t stupid enough not to know how it went, how it was going to go with Jens. Jens didn’t want his friends to know. Jens probably pretended he didn’t even know Lucas’ name around his friends. Lucas was cool with that. He expected that.

“Do you do this a lot?” he heard Jens ask, words mumbled in his ear as Lucas’ tongue followed the line of his throat up to his ear, slipping inside, and Jens’ hand on his neck twitched, gripping harder.

“Do what?” Lucas asked, daring Jens to say it, to admit exactly what they were doing. Lucas knew what he was doing as he tugged Jens’ earlobe between his teeth and exhaled into his ear with a soft sigh, teasing.

“Skip,” Jens replied after a second, as though he’d lost his train of thought with Lucas sucking the soft patch of skin beneath his ear.

Rolling his eyes, Lucas moved back to drag Jens’ bottom lip between his teeth. “Because you’ve never skipped.”

“Sure, but not to—” Jens cut himself off with a frown, licking his lips as he took a breath.

Lucas didn’t need him to finish that sentence, running a hand through his hair, pulling his curls over his forehead, fixing Jens with a challenging look.

“None of those girls you flirt with ever wanted to cut class and hook up?” he asked easily, raising his eyebrows. “Maybe you’re not as good as you think.”

“Excuse me?” Jens asked, a hint of a smile at the edge of his mouth. “You’re the one who invited me.”

“And you came without question,” Lucas said, smoothing down his jacket as Jens let go of his neck. “What does that say about you?”

Plucking a cigarette from his pocket, Lucas lit it as he waited for Jens’ response, though he already knew the answer. Lucas knew how it went with these types of things.

For a moment, Jens didn’t reply, running his tongue over his lower lip as though still tasting Lucas, contemplating his answer. Looking away, Lucas exhaled the smoke, fingering the cigarette, gazing out at the park. Far in the distance, he watched a mother pushing a stroller down the winding path. 

“I guess it says I’m not that smart,” Jens said finally, and when Lucas glanced back, he was smiling.

“Can’t argue with that,” Lucas drawled, and Jens scoffed.

“You could try.”

Lucas shrugged in reply, flicking the half-smoked cigarette to the ground instead and exhaling the smoke. He knew how this would go. A few make out sessions with the resident bad boy then he’d go back to those simpering girls his friends stared at, that made him look like a stud. In the meantime, Lucas could enjoy how unimpressed Jens looked at his lack of reply.

“So,” Jens said after a minute, as though continuing a conversation, and Lucas raised an eyebrow. “Do you do this often?”

“Do what?” Lucas repeated pointedly, tilting his head to the side as Jens bit his bottom lip.

“Cut class to make out with hot guys?” Jens said this time, stepping in closer to Lucas, who smirked, surprised despite himself.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” he said, and Jens nodded after a second.

“Maybe I would.”

Lucas scoffed, reaching up to pat Jens’ cheek. “Yeah, okay,” he said simply. Rolling his eyes, he ignored the way Jens’ eyebrows went up. “How about you shut up now and do what you came here to do.”

It was a second before Jens smiled, disbelieving, shaking his head, but that was enough for Lucas as he grabbed Jens by the sides and pulled him in close. They weren’t here to talk about what Lucas did or didn’t do often. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Jens’ lips were soft and inviting, and close enough to kiss, which was exactly what Lucas did. Jens could figure out his own answers to his questions because Lucas certainly wasn’t going to provide any answers.

Lucas knew what he wanted, and it wasn’t to talk, and that was exactly what he was going to do.


	3. Chapter 3

Luc has no faith in jens intentions- Jens finds him? talks

*

“Well, I didn’t want to move to this fucking town in the first place!” Lucas shouted as he yanked open the front door.

“Lucas, come back here!” his dad yelled, but Lucas slammed the door behind him, stalking down the hall to the stairwell and taking the steps two at a time. 

His dad wouldn’t come after him, he knew. He’d stay in the apartment and Katelijn would soothe him, tell him that Lucas was just ‘acting out’ and that it was a phase that would pass. Rolling his eyes, Lucas burst out the downstairs door, yanking his jacket closed against the chill, fingers closing around his phone.

It was full of texts today, from his friends back home—Kes and Isa and Jayden—and it vibrated again as he strode down the sidewalk, having no particular direction, just needing to get as far away from his dad as possible.

_Happy Birthday, Luc!_ was the text from Liv, and Lucas glared at the screen before closing out of the message.

His eighteenth fucking birthday. Some birthday.

Pushing back his hair, Lucas sighed as he finally slowed once he turned a corner to an unfamiliar row of houses. He hadn’t expected it to be a good birthday since any friends he had were far away in Utrecht, but he’d at least hoped he could get through the day without feeling like this, like something heavy and unpleasant had settled in his stomach as he kept walking.

On top of the fight with his dad, which honestly, Lucas didn’t even know what it was this time—his clothes or maybe the nose piercing he’d gotten yesterday as a present to himself, or maybe it was Lucas missing curfew ( _curfew_ —Lucas rolled his eyes) for the third day in a row—on top of that, there was the fact that when he’d called his mom, the Center had said she wasn’t in a position to talk at the moment. Lucas knew what that was code for, and he couldn’t go see her because even if he did jump on a train, they wouldn’t let him in.

He could always just crash with Kes, he thought as he slunk down the street. Just leave his stupid dad and Katelijn and this whole damn place.

Fuck, he needed a distraction.

Pulling out his phone, Lucas opened up Instagram, scrolling through his feed, but there was nothing interesting there, so he clicked on the search button, typing in a name he knew well enough by now.

Jens’ profile came up, and Lucas frowned as he clicked on his stories. 

“We’re at the skate park,” came Jens’ voice from behind the camera, shaking as it swerved to show one of his friends. “And Moyo’s gonna attempt the Nail Slide. I’ve got ten euros that he boffs it.”

“Fuck you!” the guy on camera said and the story ended.

The skate park. Lucas had seen it wandering around town, a rundown park where guys with too baggy jeans hung around smoking weed and trying tricks on skateboards.

Well, it wasn’t as if he had anything else to do, and he certainly wasn’t going to back to his apartment any time soon, so Lucas shoved his phone in his pocket and turned around on the sidewalk, heading in the opposite direction.

*

It wasn’t exactly impressive as Lucas frowned at the skate park, the sunken cement pit in the ground filled with guys who had never seen an over-sized shirt they didn’t love.

Pulling out a cigarette, Lucas lit it as he surveyed the park, searching for a familiar mop of dark hair, a red hoodie, an annoyingly upbeat laugh. It didn’t take long to spot Jens, on the other side of the pit, his phone still out as he filmed his friends. As he turned the camera in Lucas’ direction, Lucas saw him pause.

Lucas didn’t move, pulling the cigarette from between his lips and exhaling the smoke as Jens’ phone fell, eyes fixed on Lucas. As Lucas watched, the little one said something to Jens, apparently trying to get his attention, and Jens said something in return. Apparently it wasn’t enough as the guy’s head twisted to follow Jens’ gaze.

From this distance, Lucas couldn’t make out his expression, though he doubted it was good.

Jens seemed to shake his friend away, though, and Lucas tapped ash off the end of the cigarette as Jens headed toward him, glancing over his shoulder carefully as if to make sure no one was watching. Lucas ignored the twist in his stomach as Jens reached him finally.

“Hey,” he said, looking confused. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I didn’t come here to skate,” Lucas replied, and Jens nodded.

“Obviously. You don’t have a board.”

Lucas took another drag, smoke filling his lungs, calming him as they stood there, so out in the open, though he could see the tension in Jens’ shoulders as he waited for Lucas to speak, to explain himself.

“I stole fifty euros from my dad,” Lucas said after a second. “How about we go spend it on something stupid?”

“Right now?” Jens asked, frowning slightly.

“No, next week.” Lucas rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

Jens hesitated, still looking confused. Lucas wasn’t sure what was so confusing about it. He had money and time to burn, and Jens was as good as anyone to do it with. At least they’d probably get to make out at some point, and Lucas wouldn’t have to think about the fact that it was his birthday, and all he’d gotten so far were empty text messages and his dad calling him a delinquent.

“I can’t just ditch my friends,” Jens said, glancing over his shoulder at the three guys who were watching them now. As Lucas glared at them, they turned away quickly.

“Since when?”

“Since I’m here with them?” Jens said, frowning, head tilting to the side. 

Lucas scoffed. “Just thought maybe you’d wanna have some real fun,” he said, suggestive as he let his gaze slide down Jens’ chest.

Jens almost looked like he was contemplating the offer as he paused, but he shook his head. “I can’t now, but maybe later?

Annoyed, Lucas flicked ash off the end of his cigarette. He was annoyed at the look Jens gave him, almost hopeful, as if this was something they could just pick up later. He was annoyed at Jens’ friends all muttering together behind Jens’ back. He was annoyed as his phone vibrated with what was probably another pointless birthday text from someone he didn’t care about.

“Sorry, this offer won’t keep,” he snapped, eyes narrowed. “Enjoy skating with your friends.”

“Lucas,” Jens said as Lucas turned, and he didn’t turn back. Jens had nothing to say that would stop him, and Jens seemed to know it too as he didn’t say anything else and Lucas left the stupid skate park behind.

*

Sitting cross-legged on the bench, Lucas stared out at the river. Rain clouds gathered overhead, puddles already formed on the cement walkway, and he huffed as he unscrewed the cap on his bottle and took a swig, vodka burning his throat as it went down.

It wasn’t a birthday without a party, right?

Lucas grimaced as his phone vibrated again. He stopped himself from throwing it into the river as he pulled it out. But it wasn’t a text from someone in Utrecht or even his dad demanding that he come home. It was a DM on Instagram, and Lucas frowned as he opened it.

_Where are you?_

It was from Jens, and Lucas scoffed to himself as he closed out of it.

Jens wanted to know where he was. Jens had probably finished with his friends and thought Lucas would just be up for a booty call. Hadn’t that been exactly what Lucas had hoped for a few hours ago, though? Annoyed, Lucas took another swig from the bottle. He should have known better than to go to Jens earlier, to hope that Jens was into him enough to ditch his friends.

He’d let himself believe for a second that this was more than what it was.

So why was he denying Jens the chance to make out with him now? Lucas couldn’t disagree with the thought and he took out his phone again.

_Guess_ , he wrote back, taking a quick picture of the walkway, the water, a little boat rental stand, and sending it on. Either Jens would figure it out or he wouldn’t, and that wasn’t Lucas’ problem.

Settling back on the bench, he took another drink of vodka, wiping his mouth and grimacing at the taste. The couple strolling past shot him a concerned look, but they walked on, arm in arm, and Lucas rolled his eyes. 

If he was home, in Utrecht, he’d be with Kes and Jayden, and they’d be getting drunk together. Kes would have bought him something stupid like cookies shaped like dicks, and Jayden would have teased him endlessly about the nose ring, called him a wannabe E-boy.

If he was home, he wouldn’t have been sitting out in the cold, watching the way the wind rippled the surface of the water, too angry to go home, nowhere else to go, rejected by a guy who thought skateboarding was actually fun. Shaking his head to himself, Lucas contemplated his bottle. If he went home drunk, his dad would surely kill him, but did it really matter? What could be more punishing than having to live here?

“Having a party?”

A voice interrupted Lucas’ thoughts as he took another drink, lowering to bottle to find Jens at the end of the bench, hands in his pockets.

Looking away, Lucas shrugged. “Wouldn’t be my birthday without one.”

“It’s your birthday?” Jens asked, sitting down next to Lucas, eyebrows furrowed as Lucas shrugged again.

“Does it matter?” he asked, setting the bottle aside and reaching for Jens, hands on his shoulders, dragging him forward by his hoodie until their mouths met, soft and wet, a little cold.

“Wait,” Jens said, getting his hands in between them, and Lucas sighed as he sat back.

“If you didn’t come here to hook up, then why did you?”

“Lucas, it’s your birthday and you’re here, alone, drinking.”

“So?” he asked, frowning, staring at Jens. What did any of that matter? Jens shouldn’t have cared. Jens didn’t know him. Jens was just the guy he’d decided he wanted to make out with a couple times. Jens probably still thought he was completely straight.

“So, are you okay?” Jens asked, sounding concerned, and Lucas huffed, chewing on his bottom lip as he looked away from Jens, out at the water.

“Jesus, I didn’t tell you where I was so you could make this into an after-school special. I just wanted to make out with someone.” He paused, glancing at Jens. “I thought that was what you wanted too.” He scooted in closer again, leaning in to press his mouth to Jens’ neck, lips gliding up to his jaw, gentle kisses that he knew Jens wouldn’t be able to resist.

“I-I do,” Jens breathed, sounding sufficiently distracted, and relief washed over Lucas.

He didn’t want to talk about why he was out here, alone, getting drunk on his birthday. He didn’t want Jens to ask, to care.

“Good,” he murmured against Jens’ cheek as his lips grazed against his skin, teasingly soft as he reached Jens’ mouth, tongue sliding along his lower lip, a careful nip as he felt Jens exhale, warm against his mouth,

“But,” Jens said a second later, and Lucas didn’t let him go on, kissing him hard instead, pressing against him on the damp bench, following the slide of Jens’ tongue against his own, breathing through his nose as he drank in Jens, kiss deep and sweeping.

Jens seemed to forget what he was saying as he kissed Lucas back, hands coming up to his neck, thumbs sweeping over his cheeks as he tilted Lucas’ head up to his.

This was what Lucas needed—to not think about anything at all, to focus on Jens’ mouth, his hands, the warmth of his body, how easy it would be to climb in his lap and get off, even right here, with people walking past, completely exposed.

“But if you’re not okay,” Jens panted when Lucas moved to suck on his jaw, and Jens’ fingers curled into his hair, “You can tell me.”

Jens was just saying it to be nice, Lucas knew, even as his stomach clenched. Today was just a bad day, and Jens wasn’t going to capitalize on it.

“Shut up,” he said instead, kissing the concerned look off Jens’ face instead. He was fine. And he’d be more fine if Jens stopped saying things like that. They’d be perfectly fine the way things were.


	4. Chapter 4

Sitting in the back of class, Lucas retraced the edge of his doodle with his pen, sketchy and messy, nothing particularly pretty but still infinitely more interesting than whatever Mrs. 80s Hair was saying about the differences between similes and metaphors. His nail polish was chipping, a deep red this time, a color his dad had glared at when he’d seen it. 

Picking at the polish, Lucas sighed as his gaze slid to the clock over the door. He wasn’t even sure why he’d bothered to show up today, except that at least in this class, he got to watch Jens slumped down in his chair, got to consider the tanned lines of his neck, the shift of his shoulder blades whenever the teacher called on him and how he always sat up as though caught doing something wrong.

Stifling his yawn, Lucas picked up his pen again, doodling aimlessly on his arm this time, waiting for the moments to tick by and the bell to ring.

A folded piece of paper skidded across his desk, hitting his hand, and he glanced up. No one was looking his way, which wasn’t any different than usual. 

He half-expected the note to be something insulting—a crude drawing or a rude name—but it was neither as he unfolded the paper.

_Changing room. Ten minutes._

Frowning at the note, Lucas raised his gaze to the back of Jens’ neck. He was the only person who could have written it, and the frown transformed into a smirk as Lucas folded the note back up and slipped it into his pocket. Looked like he was already a bad influence on Jens.

The last five minutes of class seemed to drag on forever, but finally, the bell rang and there was a din of chairs and people talking as the room emptied.

Grabbing his bag, Lucas didn’t rush, following the last person out of class and into the crowded hallway. Jens wasn’t anywhere that Lucas saw, and he merely shrugged to himself, turning to head to the gym.

He’d never been in the changing rooms since he didn’t have to do any sports, but he found them easily enough. Slipping through the door, Lucas checked around the corner, but the room appeared to be empty, filled with rows of benches, dirty white tiles halfway up the walls.

Dropping his bag on a bench, he turned at the noise of the door opening. Jens slipped inside, a smile on his face as he approached Lucas.

“Hey,” he greeted him, and Lucas didn’t care about the pleasantries, not today.

Jens made a surprised noise as Lucas shoved him against the wall, pinning him chest to chest as Lucas’ hands grabbed his head and pulled him into rough kiss, tongue sweeping against Jens’, a calm, reassuring feeling washing over him as Jens’ hands came up to grip his waist after a second.

“Wait,” Jens mumbled too soon, breaking away from Lucas’ mouth, seemingly ignoring the annoyed look Lucas shot him. Maybe he wasn’t too serious, though, as his gaze rested on Lucas’ lips even as he paused.

“If you want to wait, you can do it by yourself,” Lucas replied, kissing Jens again before he could answer. The whole point of hooking up in school was to hook up, and that was exactly what he planned to do.

“I got you something,” Jens mumbled around kisses, breaths panted between them, the slick slide of tongues, rising heat that Lucas could feel on the back of Jens’ neck as he pressed him to the wall.

“What for?” Lucas asked, confused but not really caring, hands sliding down Jens’ sides to his ass, pulling him in closer and hearing Jens’ breath hitch in his ear.

When Jens pulled away this time, Lucas merely huffed, letting Jens lean down for his bag and dig in one of the pockets.

“Your birthday,” Jens said as he came back up, and Lucas couldn’t help frowning. “Since you didn’t tell anyone about it. Figured you should at least get something.”

There’d been a reason Lucas hadn’t told anyone, a reason he’d spent his birthday alone. The last thing he wanted was pity gifts from the guy he made out with occasionally.

“I don’t want—” he started to say, harsh, but Jens waved a baggie in front of him and he paused. “Weed?”

“I mean, I’ll keep it if you don’t want it,” Jens said easily, shrugging as though he knew the answer already, a smile on his face. That annoyed Lucas more than anything as he snatched the bag from Jens’ hand.

“Keeping gifts is bad form.”

Jens laughed. “Since when do you know what bad form is?”

“Gotta know the rules to break them,” Lucas said simply, opening the bag and inhaling deeply. “Not bad.”

Jens merely smiled and Lucas rolled his eyes. He didn’t need Jens’ ego inflating over some half-decent weed.

“Want to smoke one?” Jens asked, and Lucas glanced at him.

“Getting high at school,” he said. “Look who’s a bad idea now.”

“You started it,” Jens said, plucking the bag from Lucas’ fingers, a cocky smirk on his face, not quite the same one he used on all those girls, and Lucas let him, licking his lips and smiling to himself as Jens took out a paper and started rolling.

*

“What kind of a shit theory says that steam from the shower will get rid of the smell?” Lucas asked as Jens returned, sliding back down on the tiled floor, settling in against the wall beside Lucas and taking the joint Lucas didn’t offer him. Lucas rolled his eyes at the sound of water hitting the floor.

“I read it online.” Jens shrugged and took a drag, and Lucas didn’t bother answering that. He didn’t care if anyone smelled the weed and came in. Another detention was nothing.

For a moment, they didn’t speak, passing the joint back and forth, and Lucas exhaled as he sat there. He was supposed to be in his art class—the only class he actually enjoyed in this shit hole, but given the choice between learning color theory and getting high with Jens, he’d choose Jens.

“Can I ask you something,” Jens said after a minute, watching Lucas take a drag.

“Just did.”

Jens ignored him. “Did you really set fire to headmaster’s office at your last school?”

Laughing slightly, Lucas ran his tongue over his lower lip, contemplating the joint between his fingers. “Worried I’ll come after you?”

“No,” Jens said, pulling Lucas’ hand to his mouth and taking a drag from the joint, fingers soft on his wrist, and Lucas looked away. “I think it’s bullshit.”

“Bullshit,” Lucas repeated, pulling his hand from Jens’ grip, leaning over to kiss him instead, drinking in the smoke, the bitter taste on his tongue as Jens leaned into him easily. He didn’t want to know why Jens thought that, if anyone else did too.

“Come on,” Jens said as he pulled away, dark eyes soft as he gazed at Lucas. “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?”

Scoffing, Lucas leaned back. “What do you care?”

Jens wasn’t his friend. He wasn’t someone Lucas had picked out as someone to talk to. He’d picked Jens because he was hot, because he did that annoying flirting thing with all the girls that just made Lucas want to prove it was an act. He wanted to get under Jens’ skin, not the other way around.

Jens shrugged in response. “Just curious. I’ve heard lots of things about you. So far, none of them are true.”

Frowning, Lucas took another drag, slow, letting the smoke settle in his lungs before exhaling it into the steam from the shower fogging up the room. The tiled floor wasn’t exactly comfortable as he shifted, considering the question, if he should bother answering.

Jens was still watching him as Lucas sighed finally.

“I broke up my best friend and his girlfriend.”

“Really?” Jens asked, sounding surprised, and Lucas scowled.

“What?”

“No.” Jens shrugged. “I guess I just expected arson or petty larceny or something. But that shit’s dark.”

“In my defense, I was just the messenger,” Lucas said, rolling his eyes, offering the joint to Jens, who took it slowly. “And he deserved to know.”

“And I’m sure you got nothing out of it,” Jens said with a slight smile.

“Fuck you.”

Jens smiled at his response, and Lucas couldn’t maintain his glare. 

“I bet the worst thing you’ve ever done is this,” he said, gesturing around them.

Jens paused for a second, making a face around the joint. “I never told you why I was in detention,” he said finally, and Lucas glanced at him, actually curious for once.

“Failed a test? Called a teacher a prick? One too many tardies?”

Licking his lips, Jens set the joint down, wrist resting on his knee. “You know when you see someone really hot and you can’t stop thinking about them?”

Pulling his eyes from Jens, Lucas jerked his shoulders. “No.”

“Screw you,” Jens said easily, a laugh to his voice as he sighed. “Well, I saw someone like that. Actually, I saw them before that, but that day, they dropped their books in the hall and they were leaning over to…” Taking a breath, Jens seemed to draw himself back together as Lucas looked back at him, the pink spots on his cheeks, and Lucas couldn’t tell if it was embarrassment or simply remembering the moment. “Anyway, you know how it goes. I ducked into a closet to, you know, take care of things. And Ms. Kleijn happened to need pens at that exact moment.”

Lucas heard himself laugh before he could stop himself, gazing at Jens through the steam. “That’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?”

“It was embarrassing,” Jens admitted, shoving Lucas’ shoulder. “I didn’t even tell my friends.”

For a second, Lucas paused. “Because you got caught or because of why you were doing it in the first place?”

Biting his lip, Jens leaned into Lucas instead of answering, drawing him into a lingering kiss that certainly didn’t answer his question, the suspicion in the back of his mind, a faded memory from a few weeks ago that was becoming clearer every second Jens kissed him.

“You should wear those black jeans more often,” Jens just murmured against his lips, and despite everything, the warning in the back of his mind, Lucas smiled, shifting to climb into Jens’ lap this time.

“Next time you jerk off in a closet, don’t forget my invitation,” he said, and Jens laughed as Lucas pulled him back to his mouth.

“I won’t.”

It sounded like a promise, and instead of feeling reassured, Lucas couldn’t help the unease creeping down his spine as he settled in against Jens and kissed away all of those thoughts instead.


	5. Chapter 5

“Where’s your phone?”

Lucas looked up as the bedroom door swung open and his dad stood there, the vein Lucas had come to know very well these past few months pulsing in his forehead as he strode in and grabbed the phone off Lucas’ bed.

“Hey!” he protested as his dad moved over to his laptop and unplugged the charger.

“As of now, you’re grounded,” his dad said, waving the laptop at him. “You’ll get it back for homework.”

Sliding off the bed, Lucas glared at his dad, his phone clutched in his fist. “Why?”

“Why?” his dad repeated, as though the question was ridiculous. “Skipping class, talking back, and how many detentions have you had in the last month?”

Lucas didn’t think he actually wanted an answer to that. He didn’t know the number anyway. “What the fuck do you care?” he demanded instead. “You can’t just take my phone. I need it.”

“I survived without a cell phone for years,” his dad said bluntly, ruffling his shoulders, his ugly plaid shirt rumpled, thinning hair sticking up in places as though he had spent the last few minutes running frustrated hands through it. Lucas was sure he had, building up his anger enough to storm into his room like this. “You can last a week.”

“A week!”

“Be glad it’s not a month, Lucas!” his dad snapped, turning on Lucas as he reached the door. “I’m tired of this acting out. I don’t deserve it. Katelijn doesn’t deserve it. From now on, you go to class and you do your homework and I don’t get any more calls from the headmaster, understand?”

“This is bullshit!” Lucas said, pulse pounding in his veins as he stood there, utterly useless to stop his dad from doing any of this.

“Yes, it is bullshit,” his dad repeated, sounding just as annoyed. “Now go do your readings then I want you to put away the dishes. And I expect you to be polite to your step-mother.”

As his dad left, Lucas slammed the door behind him, growling as he turned to his room, kicking a pair of shoes out of his way, pressing his hands to his face.

Anger coursed through his veins as Lucas shoved textbooks off his desk, tumbling to the floor with bent pages, and flumped down in the chair, glaring at The Strokes poster tacked crookedly on the wall behind his bed, dark covers unmade from this morning. There was no way he was going out into the living room with his dad and Katelijn, not to do some pointless chores as a punishment. Wasn’t living in Antwerp with his dad punishment enough for everything wrong he would ever do?

Fidgeting, Lucas pushed himself up from the chair, pacing his room, blood pumping, antsy as he tried to think. He wasn’t staying there. He wasn’t going to wait for his dad to come yell at him again.

His eyes landed on the window and he actually laughed. Grabbing his jacket, he wasted no time pushing the window open. Cold air hit him in the face and he shivered as he slid a leg out. It was more than a few feet up off the ground, and though Lucas had no idea how he’d get back in, it didn’t stop him from dropping to the wet grass and brushing off his hands as he ducked around the corner of the house to the street.

Fuck. Where could he go? Lucas thought as he headed down the street, streetlights reflecting off the wet pavement, a stray car splashing past. It was late, dark, cold, and it wasn’t like Lucas had a ton of friends he could go crash with. The trains probably weren’t even running, so any thought of simply leaving Antwerp and going to Utrecht was out of the question. Not that he could have called Kes to give him a heads-up anyway.

Sighing, Lucas stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked, kicking an empty soda can off the sidewalk. It tumbled into the road and landed in a puddle.

He knew why his dad had wanted to move here, and it wasn’t because of some amazing new job, or that Katelijn was from Belgium. It was that Lucas’ mom was now far away, a distant memory, a problem he no longer had to deal with.

Glaring at the quivering leaves of the trees dotting the street, glistening with rain in the yellow street lamps, Lucas kept walking. The more he thought about it, the angrier he became, and he barely realized where he was until he turned on a familiar street.

It was Jens’ street. Lucas had seen him walk home this way before, heard Jens joke about his room being easy to sneak out of because of the roofline and the tree leading up to it.

Jens’ house was in the middle of the row, the one with a pink barbie car in the front lawn. The front lights were off, the whole house dark, and for a minute, Lucas paused as he gazed up at the windows. A tree grew up from the lawn, just over where the roof jutted out over the front steps, a window dark and quiet.

What was he doing here? What exactly was he going to do? Climb up on the tree, knock on Jens’ window and tell him all his problems? No, he wasn’t going to do that, Lucas told himself firmly. That wasn’t what he and Jens did. What he and Jens did was something else entirely, something that could still involve Lucas climbing up the tree and knocking on his window anyway.

Lucas shivered as a chill breeze swept down his neck. He couldn’t stay out here all night no matter what, and he wasn’t ready to go home.

So he crossed the lawn in three steps, hauling himself up on the tree and twigs catching his jeans as he crawled onto the roofline and tapped on the window.

He couldn’t see anything through the window as he knocked again, louder, relieved as a lamp clicked on and the curtains were pushed apart to reveal a sleep-rumpled Jens, blinking at Lucas through the window.

“Luc?” Jens asked as he swung open the window. “What are you doing?”

“Out for a walk,” Lucas replied, and Jens still frowned, rubbing at his eyes.

“On my roof?”

Lucas shrugged instead of answering. “It’s cold. You gonna let me in?”

For a second, he wasn’t sure Jens would, but then Jens stepped back, opening the window wider for Lucas to slide inside. It was warmer inside, and Lucas took in Jens’ bedroom as Jens closed the window behind him.

The bed covers were thrown back as though Jens had been asleep, clothes scattered over the floor, a poster of a woman in a swimsuit on the back of the door, corners peeling, school textbooks piled haphazardly in the corner along with his backpack and a bunch of shoes tumbling out of the closet.

“You can’t be loud,” Jens said, voice lower now as Lucas turned to him. “My sisters are light sleepers. And they always want to know everything.”

“Sisters,” Lucas repeated slowly. He hadn’t known that, but he supposed, there was a lot he didn’t know about Jens.

“They’re younger,” Jens explained, moving over to the door and clicking the lock. As he returned to Lucas, he paused and Lucas took a moment to appreciate Jens in only a pair of boxers and an old tee shirt, smiling at his bare thighs. “Why didn’t you text?”

“Didn’t feel like it,” Lucas lied, backing Jens up until he could push him down on the bed, a soft flump on the comforter, the headboard knocking back as Lucas climbed on after him.

“Shh!” Jens hissed, freezing, and Lucas waited a second, listening with Jens, but he heard nothing from outside the door. After a second, Jens exhaled, hands coming up to Lucas’ hips. “Be careful.”

“Oh, I’ll be careful,” Lucas assured him, straddling Jens’ hips as he kissed him, lips warm and soft. 

Jens’ hands slid up his sides, pushing at Lucas’ jacket as the kiss grew more heated, panted breath between them, rushed and needy as Lucas sat up to shove his jacket off, tossing it carelessly on the floor as he got his mouth back on Jens’, chasing his tongue, the easy slide of wet lips against his own. This was usually where most guys freaked out, as if anything past kissing was too much, too gay.

Jens didn’t, though, breath hot against Lucas’ ear as Lucas pressed kisses down his jaw instead, fingers curling into Lucas’ hair as he tilted his neck back. It was Jens’ hands under Lucas’ shirt, gliding up his back, that made Lucas pause, just for a second.

Pushing away the sudden hesitation, Lucas shoved Jens’ shirt up his chest instead, leaving burning kisses against his skin as he slid down, hooked his fingers under the waistband of Jens’ boxers and tugged.

When he looked up, Jens was staring down at him, mouth open, gaze intense, nodding when Lucas met his eyes.

Jens was hard as Lucas slid his boxers down his thighs, swallowing as he leaned in, taking his time and listening to the curse Jens breathed out above him, barely audible, fingers clenched in the sheets as Lucas moved.

He knew Jens was trying to be quiet, biting down on his lip, harsh breaths through his nose as Lucas took him in, slid his tongue along the length and sucked.

Jens was hard and heavy in his mouth, a bitter taste that made Lucas moan softly, cut short as Jens gripped his hair.

“Quiet, quiet,” Jens gasped, eyes closed, head tilted back, throat working as he swallowed.

Hands sliding up Jens’ legs, Lucas didn’t slow down, face buried in his thighs, skin hot against him, velvety soft and pulsing as Lucas pulled away, climbing back up to sprawl on top of Jens and reach down with his hand to finish the job.

“Fuck,” Jens cursed, pulling Lucas’ mouth to his, kiss messy and desperate, his whole body pressing to Lucas’, a leg wrapping around Lucas’ as he bit back his noise. “Fuck, Luc, I’m gonna—”

He didn’t finish his sentence, taking a sharp breath against his cheek instead, body going stiff against Lucas.

Lucas stroked him through it, sucking a mark on Jens’ neck just because he could, enjoying the heat rising on his skin as he pushed his hips against Jens’. He knew better than to expect reciprocation, rocking into him instead.

“Jesus,” Jens breathed into Lucas’ hair, a hand tight on his lower back, biting down on his lower lip, pulling Lucas in closer.

It surprised Lucas somehow, that Jens wasn’t pulling away, ushering Lucas out of his room and pretending this never happened. Instead, Jens rolled them over, pressing Lucas into the mattress, brushing his hair from his eyes as he reached down.

“I’ve never done this before with another guy, so be nice,” Jens muttered, and even though Lucas opened his mouth, he didn’t get any words out as Jens’ hand undid the zipper on his jeans and pushed underneath.

Lucas didn’t have to be nice as he snapped his mouth shut to stop any noises coming out, a slight whimper escaping as Jens jerked his wrist and his body pulsed with pressure, a tightness building deep in his gut. 

Closing his eyes, he exhaled shakily against Jens’ chin as the flush crept over his skin, fingers digging into Jens’ neck as the tightness built within him, a clench in his stomach seconds before he came, lips pressed to Jens’ cheek as he took a breath, sated and relaxed for a minute.

“Another first,” Lucas hummed, content, as Jens rolled off him with a sigh, lying side by side on the small bed.

“Don’t be so smug,” Jens replied, but he smiled as Lucas glanced over at him. He looked just as content as Lucas felt, pulling his boxers back up and settling in with his arm behind his head on the pillow.

As Lucas lay there, the warmth fading from his skin, the momentary elation of sex draining away, he couldn’t help thinking of his dad, of what was waiting for him at home.

“You gonna tell me what you were really doing on my roof?” Jens asked after a long, quiet moment, and Lucas rolled his head to watch Jens next to him, his soft, mussed hair, lips red, flush fading on his cheeks.

“No,” Lucas said finally, and Jens laughed, rolling into him, pressing a kiss to his lips that Lucas closed his eyes at.

“You’re a jerk,” he breathed, and Lucas didn’t argue. “Come on, give me something.”

As Jens settled back in beside him, Lucas bit back his sigh. He didn’t owe Jens anything, any explanation for why he did the things he did, but somehow, that didn’t stop him from shaking his head.

“I’m grounded. My dad took my phone.”

“I see that worked out well,” Jens said, a smile in his voice, and Lucas tilted his head to watch him, the grin on his face.

“Completely,” Lucas agreed after a second, rolling his eyes even as he smiled.

He wasn’t looking forward to going home, his dad’s anger that would surely be waiting. Another week of grounding or worse. He didn’t want to think about it—there was no point in considering what might happen in the future. For the moment, he was fine staying right here.

“You can hide out here,” Jens said a minute later, and Lucas blinked at him, the soft smile on his face, the way Jens reached over to brush his curls aside. Something nervous clenched in his stomach at the gesture, so simple. Too simple. “As long as my mom doesn’t see you.”

That made Lucas feel better somehow, knowing Jens didn’t want his mom to find him, and he shrugged instead of answering, hands on his stomach as he turned to stare at Jens’ ceiling instead of the easy way Jens watched him. He’d hide out here for a minute.


	6. Chapter 6

The house was quiet, eerily quiet in a way Lucas should have enjoyed as he pushed open the door to his dad’s room, the bed neatly made, a photograph of Katelijn on the nightstand that Lucas rolled his eyes at as he pulled open the drawer.

As he’d suspected, his phone sat brazenly on top of his dad’s glasses case and he pulled it out without bothering to shut the drawer behind him.

In the living room, he plugged in the charger, waiting for the screen to light up as he sat on the couch. He hadn’t spent much time in the living room since they’d moved there, preferring to stick to his room, far away from his dad and Katelijn. But today, today, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted and absolutely no one would care. Today, he could sneer at the black and white photograph of his dad and Katelijn’s wedding on the wall, the personality-less furniture filling the room.

His phone sprang to life a minute later, a bunch of notifications popping up on the screen—messages and texts he hadn’t been able to get through his laptop on the rare occasions his dad let him have it for “homework.”

Opening Instagram, Lucas didn’t scroll through the photos, clicking on the messages instead. He’d managed to get a few on the laptop, but it was just a pain to try.

_Are you still in lockdown?_ was one from Kes that Lucas ignored for now, scrolling to Jens’ name instead.

Jens hadn’t messaged him at all, but it wasn’t surprising. 

_I’m so fucking bored_ , he typed in and sent as he kicked his feet up on the couch, smirking as the typing bubble popped up almost immediately. Jens was so predictable, but Lucas didn’t hate it.

_Got your phone back, I see._

_Stole it. My dad’s gone this weekend._

_He trusts you alone?_

Lucas scoffed at Jens’ message. It was less about trust and more that his dad just couldn’t stand to be a parent for more than a few hours at a time. He’d taken Katelijn to Bruges or somewhere for the weekend, his last words a warning to Lucas to behave or else the consequences would be dire. Aside from sending him to boarding school, which at this point, didn’t seem too bad an idea, Lucas wasn’t sure there was much he could do to punish him.

_Made me promise to be good…_ Lucas wrote, smiling as he sent it.

If there was one thing he’d learned about Jens in the past few weeks, it was that he always came when Lucas called. 

_Seems like an unrealistic goal,_ Jens sent back, and Lucas shifted on the couch, sliding down.

_How about you come make sure I don’t fuck up,_ Lucas typed in slowly, biting his tongue. The prospect of a whole weekend alone was enough of a breath of fresh air, but there was one thing that would make it perfect. And that was Jens’ mouth sliding down his body until he shuddered and stopped thinking altogether.

_You’re inviting me over?_

Rolling his eyes, Lucas reached for his jeans, pulling the zipper down and sliding his hand underneath as he snapped a picture and sent it on.

_You’ve got ten minutes,_ he wrote, typing in his address a second later and tossing his phone aside on the couch. It would only take Jens five.

*

“Stop moving,” Lucas said, pressing a hand to Jens’ bare thigh, marker sliding down the skin, swirls of green and blue. Lying on his stomach, he felt Jens’ hand brushing over his lower back, a gentle touch as Jens let his head lean against the wall.

“It tickles,” he said, and Lucas ignored him, concentrating on the drawing, the warmth of Jens’ thigh under his hand. “How come you don’t have any tattoos? I thought that was the uniform for bad boys.”

Lucas didn’t glance over his shoulder at Jens, sprawled on his bed, clothes in a pile on the floor, Jens’ fingers tripping up his spine.

“If I get one, it’s not gonna be to spite my idiot dad,” he murmured, capping the marker and admiring his drawing. Abstract, he would have called it, green and blue and red swirling into the shape of a fox on Jens’ inner thigh. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to the edge, hearing Jens’ soft hum above him, nosing up higher, tongue sliding along his skin.

“You already have the nose ring,” Jens breathed as Lucas shifted around on the bed, Jens’ touch trailing away as Lucas nudged his legs apart. “What’s next? A tongue stud?”

“I bet you’d like that,” Lucas teased, glancing up at Jens, who bit his lip.

“Pretty sure I would,” he replied, sliding down so that Lucas was face to face with his chest instead, hands pulling Lucas up on the mattress and kissing him easily.

For a moment, Lucas kissed him back, enjoying the soft slide of Jens’ lips, Jens’ hands on his neck, drawing him in as Jens settled half on top of him.

Lucas blinked after a second, though, opening his eyes, too close to really see anything beyond the flutter of Jens’ eyelashes, the pores on his skin. Something deep in his stomach fluttered as his eyes drifted shut again, almost too content to let this happen—Jens naked in his bed, leg wrapped around his, not running off immediately afterwards.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

Frowning, Lucas pushed up, into Jens, rolling him onto his back and climbing over his lap instead as he pressed Jens to the mattress, catching the satisfied smile on Jens’ face as though he liked this.

“Wanna go fuck in my dad’s room?” he asked, and Jens laughed, hands on the back of Lucas’ thighs, pulling him closer.

“Does it count as bad if he’s not here to catch you?”

“Does it matter?” Lucas asked with a shrug, sliding his hands up Jens’ smooth stomach, the bite mark from earlier adorning his side. Jens shivered as Lucas ran his fingers over it. 

Jens paused for a second, gazing up at Lucas, and something in it made Lucas want to distract him from whatever he was thinking, whatever he was going to say next.

“Does he know?” Jens asked finally, before Lucas could think of how to stop him. “That you’re…” He jerked his head, and Lucas rolled his eyes.

“He knows. But I think he thinks it’s the least of my issues.” Leaning in, he pressed a kiss to Jens’ lips, slow and steady, hoping that would distract him, stop him asking questions that didn’t need answers. His dad was well-aware that Lucas preferred boys to girls, though he certainly never mentioned it.

“You don’t have issues,” Jens breathed between kisses, fingers tangled in Lucas’ hair, lips warm and puffy.

Lucas almost laughed, but he didn’t, kissing Jens deeper this time, biting at his jaw as he moved down.

“Not to ruin a good thing,” Jens said after a long minute, in which Lucas slid down his chest, leaving a wet trail behind him, kisses and licks, nips at his skin. “But do you think we should talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Lucas asked, letting his tongue slide over Jens’ nipple, hearing his sharp breath above him. The only thing he wanted to talk about right now was getting his mouth on Jens.

Above him, Jens stretched back with a slow exhale, but his eyes were open as he caught Lucas’ gaze.

“I just don’t know what to tell my friends,” he said slowly, fingers trailing along Lucas’ cheek as Lucas paused.

“About?”

Sighing, Jens lifted his head as Lucas glanced up at him, frowning. “About us,” he said finally, and Lucas pushed himself up slightly. “If it’s just hooking up or what.”

Frowning, Lucas didn’t move, staring at Jens, the plain expression on his face as though this wasn’t a big deal. “Why do you need to tell them anything?”

“Well, they’re not stupid,” Jens said with a vague shrug. “They know I’ve been acting weird. If I don’t tell them something soon, they’re going to get mad that I kept it a secret for so long.”

Sitting up, Lucas licked his lips slowly. Since when did Jens care? Since when did Jens want to tell people?

“There’s nothing to tell,” Lucas said, and Jens’ eyebrows went up, a smile at the edge of his lips.

“I would beg to differ,” he said, eyes flitting down Lucas’ naked body, the clothes on the floor, the drawing decorating his thigh.

It was a new feeling that gripped Lucas’ chest as he sat back and Jens pushed himself up too. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Jens was supposed to freak out at the gay stuff, tell Lucas he better not tell anyone, let Lucas be right about every guy he’d ever hooked up with. Jens wasn’t supposed to want to tell people. That wasn’t what this was.

“If you don’t want me to tell them it’s you, I won’t. Though Robbe has probably already figured it out,” Jens went on after a minute as Lucas tried to organize his thoughts, the tightness in his chest, an unfamiliar sense of unease crawling down his spine.

“There’s nothing to tell them,” Lucas repeated finally, climbing off the bed and grabbing his boxers from the floor. “Not about me anyway.”

“Luc,” Jens said as Lucas tossed his clothes to him. “Wait, what are you talking about?”

He didn’t like it, the way his breath seemed to leave his body, a panic as Jens watched him, didn’t get dressed and leave like he should have half an hour ago.

“It was fun,” he said slowly, crossing his arms over his chest, defensive as Jens stared at him. “But I’m not here to be your gay awakening or boyfriend or whatever you’re thinking. It’s time you left.”

Lucas waited for him to move, to do something, and it took a minute before Jens climbed off the bed, reaching for Lucas, but he stepped out of the way.

“Don’t be a dick,” Jens said finally, half a smile on his face as though maybe Lucas was joking. “What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong is you’re still here,” Lucas said, reaching around Jens for his jeans and shoving them in his chest despite the way his heart was pounding against his Adam’s Apple. This had never happened before. No one had ever wanted to tell the secret, and Lucas didn’t know what happened after that.

Jens frowned, sighing, but he did at least pull on his jeans finally. “If you’re worried about my friends, they won’t care. They know all that shit about you is just rumors.”

It wasn’t the rumors that made Lucas nervous, not the idea of Jens’ friends trying to talk to him that made him scoop Jens’ shirt from the floor and shove it in his hands.

“It’s over, Jens, whatever this was.”

“But I like you,” Jens said, the words trailing off as he grimaced, as though he hadn’t meant to say it.

For a second, Lucas didn’t reply, words tangling in his mouth, conflicting thoughts as he watched Jens clutching his shirt. What good could come of admitting it? Admitting Jens had gotten under his skin? Wormed his way past the outer shell and rooted right near his heart. He didn’t need Jens knowing him. No one needed to know him.

“Well, I don’t like you,” he heard himself say, like it was someone else speaking the words, making Jens’ face wrinkle into a frown, taken-aback, surprised somehow.

“Okay,” Jens said finally, pulling on his shirt, shaking his head. “Okay, fine.”

“I thought you knew I was a bad idea,” Lucas said as Jens reached the door.

Jens paused, glancing back, the same frown on his face, as though he didn’t know what to say. In the end, he didn’t say anything as he opened the door and disappeared down the hall.

Standing in the middle of the room, Lucas let out a breath when he finally heard the front door close, rubbing his face as he sunk down onto the bed. It was better this way. Jens was better off and so was he.


	7. Chapter 7

Jens had a mole just below his hairline on the back of his neck, and Lucas frowned at it, the tip of his pen digging into the desk, carving a jagged scar in the wood. The teacher was talking, but the words filtered right past Lucas as though whispers on the wind, floating out the rain-streaked window.

It had been four days, Lucas thought as he forced his gaze from the back of Jens’ neck, back to his desk, the gouge growing deeper beneath his pen. Four days and he was still thinking about what Jens had said.

_“But I like you.”_

They echoed in his brain, and he glared at the guy in front of him, his crooked collar, Cheeto dust on his fingers from lunch as he scratched his neck.

_I like you._

Annoyed, Lucas slumped further in his seat. He wasn’t sure why he’d even showed up today. He could have skipped, spent the day in the drizzly rain, wandering around town, avoiding going home where his dad had taken his phone as soon as he’d gotten home and locked it away in his car.

He didn’t know why he cared so much, why it bothered him so much that Jens had said it.

Lucas didn’t intend to make friends here. He didn’t intend to go to parties and drink and jump around to shitty pop music just for the hell of it. He planned on surviving until the end of school, until he could get out of here and back to Utrecht.

Apparently Jens hadn’t gotten the memo.

“Lucas.”

A sharp voice brought Lucas’ attention back to the teacher, her arms crossed, face unimpressed.

“When you’re done defacing school property, maybe you could tell us what you think is the main theme of The Bell Jar?”

Leaning back in his chair, Lucas raised an eyebrow. “Rich girl needs major therapy.”

Nobody laughed, and Lucas caught Jens watching him from behind the teacher, a crease to his brow. Scowling, Lucas looked away. He didn’t need Jens’ judgment. They weren’t anything. A hook up gone wrong.

“Well, you’ll have plenty of time to think over that answer in detention,” the teacher said, and Lucas didn’t bother sighing as she turned away.

He caught Jens’ gaze, shoot him a glare instead as he turned to the window and tuned out the teacher. At least it wasn’t going home.

*

Jens stood with his friends across the courtyard, huddled under a tree to escape the rain, and Lucas dropped back against the wall of the school. He still had time before detention, maybe enough time for a smoke. But he didn’t duck around the corner, watching Jens say something and laugh as he shoved one of his friends. 

Jens wasn’t any different, Lucas thought, than any other guy he’d hooked up with before. There had been guys, back in Utrecht, guys he made out with a couple times, guys who freaked the moment they got anywhere below the waist. None of them had ever looked at Lucas the way Jens was gazing at him now, over his friend’s head, as though trying to figure him out.

There was nothing to figure out. Whatever they’d been doing was over, and there was nowhere for it to go anyway. What would Jens have expected by telling his friends? That they’d suddenly be boyfriends? That they’d go to movies and eat fries off each other’s plates and hold hands in the hallway?

Maybe there was a part of Lucas, deep deep down, that didn’t think it would be so bad to have a boyfriend, to have someone who wanted to talk to him and see him and kiss him hello. But that person wouldn’t be Jens. It wouldn’t be some guy from Antwerp who just happened to follow Lucas to the teacher’s lounge one day, who liked skateboarding and oversize sweatshirts and who had two little sisters that he walked to school in the mornings and who was always warm and soft, gave inviting kisses and could always tell when something was wrong even when Lucas said nothing.

Fuck. Lucas caught himself thinking it even as something hot and heavy dropped into his stomach. He liked Jens.

He liked Jens and Jens liked him, and that wasn’t how this was supposed to go at all.

There was no time for a cigarette now as the thought hit him, shaking his head as though that might rid him of it. But it didn’t.

He’d chosen Jens because he was hot. Because he had a suspicion Jens would be up for something stupid, something wrong, something they could hide away for a while until it got old and they moved on. He hadn’t chosen Jens so he could stand outside in the drizzle, watching Jens across the courtyard, five minutes from having to go to detention, and realize he’d royally fucked up.

A weight settled on his chest as he stood there, a pressure making it harder to breathe as he turned from the wall. He couldn’t think about this. He didn’t want to think about this.

Inside, the halls were mostly empty as he headed for detention, wishing he could make this feeling go away, this squeezing around his throat as he paused at the door, anxious and nervous and panicky all at once.

“Hey.”

Lucas turned at an unfamiliar voice behind him, frowning as one of Jens’ friends—the little one with fluffy brown hair—approached from down the hall.

The guy hesitated as he reached Lucas, and Lucas wasn’t sure what was happening. Very few people at school actually talked to him, and for good reason. He didn’t want them to.

“I’m Robbe,” the guy said when Lucas didn’t respond, crossing his arms and furrowing his brow. “Jens’ friend?”

“So?” Lucas asked finally.

Robbe swallowed, seeming nervous as they stood outside the classroom door. “Jens kind of told us he was bi yesterday,” he said slowly, and Lucas tried not to react. He hadn’t expected Jens to actually do it. “And he said he wasn’t with anybody, but he’s been weird. Canceling plans, lying about where he’s been. It doesn’t take a genius.”

“So?” Lucas asked again when Robbe paused. He didn’t know why Robbe was telling him any of this.

“So I just wanted to tell you that I’m really glad you helped him.”

Frowning, Lucas stepped away from the door, taking in Robbe. He was tiny but strong as he didn’t shrink from Lucas’ searching gaze.

“Helped him?”

Robbe shrugged easily. “I know he made out with a few guys last year, but he kept saying he was totally straight. I thought maybe he was worried about actually being bi, you know, how people judge you, like it’s an in-between. I’m glad he can be who he is. And I think you had something to do with it.”

Lucas swallowed instead of answering. If he had had anything to do with it, it hadn’t been intentional.

“Whatever Jens does is up to him,” Lucas said finally. “I didn’t do anything.”

He didn’t deserve any credit for this. The only thing he deserved was detention, which he was now late for. He’d been a total dick to Jens, out of… fear? Teen angst? He didn’t even know the answer as he took a breath and watched Robbe shake his head.

“I don’t think that’s true. I think he really likes you.”

Lucas felt a pang in his chest at Robbe’s words, glaring instead as he reached for the door. 

“Then he’s an idiot,” he just said, pulling open the door. “And I’m late.”

The door swung shut on Robbe’s confused face, and Lucas slid into a chair as the teacher sighed resignedly.

“Lucas, finally joined us?”

Lucas didn’t reply, turning his face to the window and the rain dribbling down the pane.


	8. Chapter 8

“Hey! You escaped imprisonment!”

Lucas smiled as Kes’ face popped up on the laptop screen, eyeliner smudged and dark hair falling in his eyes, jostled around as Jayden shoved his face next to Kes’.

“Oh my God, Luc! We thought you were dead.”

Shifting on his stomach, Lucas rolled his eyes at his friends, shoving the laptop a little further away on the bed, glancing up at the pitter-pat of rain on his window.

“If anyone asks, I’m doing _homework_ ,” he said as Kes and Jayden laughed and Jayden peered through the screen.

“Wait? Is that a nose ring? Bro! I can’t believe you did it without us.”

“Well, you weren’t here.” Lucas didn’t mean for it to come out quite so harshly, and he knew it had when Kes frowned. “I don’t wanna talk about what’s happening here. How’ve you been surviving without me?”

Lucas turned at a noise at his door, but his dad didn’t barge in, so he must be safe for now. He _still_ didn’t have his phone, and Lucas was half-tempted to just get a cheap burner phone so at least he could text Kes and Jayden. Without them, he didn’t have anyone to talk to. Especially since he’d effectively shoved Jens out of his life.

“We’ve been suffering,” Jayden said, clearly sarcastic, grinning when Kes shoved him and the screen shook. They were outside somewhere, but Lucas couldn’t see much beyond their faces.

“It sucks without you,” Kes said seriously, pouting through the screen. “Are you at least doing fun things there? Hanging out with anyone?”

Scowling, Lucas shook his head. “There’s no one worth hanging out with here.”

Except Jens.

Shaking away the thought, Lucas focused on the way Kes paused. 

“I’m glad you’re not in a rush to replace us,” he said slowly. “But you’ve gotta talk to somebody or you’ll go crazy.”

Frowning, Lucas didn’t answer. There was Jens, but he’d pretty much screwed that up. Even if he wanted to fix it, he was pretty sure Jens wouldn’t want to talk to him again.

“What about guys?” Jayden butted in when Lucas didn’t reply. “We know how you go through ‘em. There’s gotta be some hot guy you want to bang.”

Lucas didn’t even sigh at Jayden’s total lack of tact. 

“No,” he said finally, and Kes eyed him through the screen as Jayden’s eyebrows rose as high as they could go.

“That was a suspicious no,” Kes said, and Lucas scoffed.

“It was just a word.”

“Luc,” Kes said, and Lucas was reminded why he didn’t video chat with people. Kes could always read him, even through a screen.

Pushing himself into a sitting position, Lucas ran a hand through his hair as he glanced out the window. The sky had been grey all day, alternating between rain and a persistent mist.

“There was someone,” he admitted begrudgingly as Kes and Jayden stared at him. “But it was nothing. Just a hook up.”

“And you’re being all cryptic because…”

“I’m not.” Lucas scowled. “I don’t tell you about everyone I hook up with.”

“Since when?” Kes demanded, laughing. “You even told us about that guy who came on to you at a fry stand.”

Jens wasn’t any different than any of those guys. Except that he actually liked Lucas, had told him so, had been willing to come out to his friends so they could be more than just a hook-up.

“Luc?” Kes asked when Lucas didn’t reply, biting his lip. As much as he hated admitting it, he had to tell someone. And who better than his best friends?

“I panicked,” he muttered after a long pause, staring at his comforter instead of Kes and Jayden on the screen. “He told me he liked me and I… I didn’t know what to do.”

“It’s okay,” Kes said quietly, and Lucas chanced a glanced up. “We’ve all been there.” He paused. “Well, maybe not Jayden.”

“Hey!” Jayden objected.

“But if he likes you, you can still fix it.”

Lucas wouldn’t even know where to start, if he wanted to start. If he fixed things with Jens, where would that leave him? With a boyfriend? He’d never thought of himself as the type, had never had anyone who wanted to try, wouldn’t know what to do, how to act.

“Lucas! Are you done with your homework?” His dad’s voice grew louder as it came down the hall and Lucas grimaced.

“I gotta go,” he said quickly, ending the call and cutting off Kes and Jayden’s shouted goodbyes.

Not a second too soon as his door opened without a knock and his dad frowned at the internet window open on his laptop.

“If you’re not going to use it for homework, I’m taking it back.”

Lucas merely glared as he dad turned and left the room. He was sick of being cooped up here with only his mistakes to think about. At least with Jens, he’d had something to look forward to. Something he could count on. Maybe that was what it would be. Maybe it didn’t have to be movies and sharing straws at cafes. Maybe it wouldn’t be any of those things Lucas had come to assume came with relationships, those things he didn’t know how to do, if he’d be any good at it. The only thing he knew for sure was that he’d fucked up with Jens.

Sliding off his bed, Lucas pulled open his bedroom door, listening. The television was on in the living room, and when he reached the end of the hall, he could see his dad and Katelijn watching some nature documentary. There was a clear path to the front door, and his eyes fell on his dad’s keys hung up beside it.

Careful, Lucas sneaked behind the couch, moving quietly to the front hall where he slid the key from its hook and edged out the front door, shutting it slowly.

Down the stairs and out the front door, he took a deep breath, cold air chilling his lungs. Smirking to himself, he swung the keys in his fingers. He figured his dad owed him for keeping his phone so long.

The car sat on the pavement and Lucas slid in without even checking over his shoulder for his dad. As he pulled away, turned the corner, Lucas felt the unease growing, the second-thoughts creeping in. He had to do it, though. He had to at least clear the air or he’d never get over it.

At Jens’ house, Lucas sat in the car for a minute, debating whether or not this was actually a good idea. But he’d never been one to take his own advice, so he got out of the car and climbed up the tree to Jens’ window without letting himself rethink.

Jens’ curtains were parted, and Lucas could see him lying on his bed, typing something on his phone, and for a second, he hesitated. This could be a terrible idea.

Shaking himself, he knocked on the window, drawing Jens’ attention from his phone, seeing the crease in his brow as he slid off the bed and moved over to the window.

“What are you doing?” Jens asked as he got it open, and Lucas didn’t crawl inside, lingering on the roof.

“I stole my dad’s car,” he said, nodding his head at the green little car on the street. “Let’s go.”

Jens didn’t move, staring at him as though he’d lost it. “Why would I go anywhere with you?”

“Jens,” Lucas said instead, watching him, hoping he could understand without him having to say it, without him having to explain. It was going to be hard enough to get the rest out.

For a second, Jens didn’t react except to frown, eyes moving from Lucas to the car on the street and back.

“Fine. But I’m not climbing out my own window. I’ll be down in a minute.”

It was unexpected relief as Jens shut the window and Lucas took a second to take a breath before shimmying down the tree. One thing done.

*

Countryside rolled past the windows, grey sky making everything dark, green grass and cows. Lucas didn’t really know where they were, just that they weren’t in the city anymore.

“We are gonna stop before we get to France, right?” Jens asked, half a joke, watching him from the passenger seat.

Lucas didn’t reply, watching the streaks left behind by the windshield wipers. He hadn’t exactly had a plan, dragging Jens out here, wherever _here_ was. He’d half expected Jens to say no to coming at all, but apparently Jens was just as reckless as he was.

He heard Jens’ sigh beside him, saw how he turned in his seat from the corner of his eye.

“Are you going to say anything?” he asked finally, eyebrows furrowed when Lucas glanced his way. Shaking his head, he bit his lip. “You show up at my house with your dad’s stolen car and ask me to come with you. And what? Now we’re just not gonna talk?”

Tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, Lucas frowned.

He didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t good at explaining himself, talking about how he felt, even figuring out what he felt. He’d hoped they could just magically move on, move forward? He wasn’t really sure.

At another of Jens’ sighs, Lucas pulled the car off the side of the road, facing a pasture where a cow watched them for a moment before ambling on. Raindrops dotted the windshield as they sat there and Lucas took a breath.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say,” he said finally, avoiding Jens’ gaze. Long green grass rippled in the wind outside the car, and Lucas wished he could just get out and pretend he’d never thought this was a good idea.

“You could say you didn’t mean to freak out on me,” Jens offered, and Lucas frowned.

“But I did mean to. I mean—” Grimacing, he sighed at the steering wheel. It was frustrating, the feelings swelling inside him, what he knew he was supposed to say, how he was supposed to fix this, his inability to put any of it into words even as they sat there, completely alone with no one around to hear them. “I don’t know.”

“You know,” Jens said after a second, running a hand through his hair as he gazed out the window. “You have a hard exterior, but underneath, you’re soft and gooey like the rest of us.”

Lucas frowned instead of answering. What the hell did that mean?

Jens glanced at him. “I’m not expecting a declaration of love or something. I already told you I like you. You’re the one who broke it off. So if we’re out here for just a hook-up, I’d rather go home.”

Chewing on his cheek, Lucas paused. That wasn’t why they’d come out here. Why was it so hard to just tell Jens? Because everything would change. Everything would be different. He would be different. And he wasn’t sure he wanted that.

“Fuck you, I didn’t bring you out here for a hook-up,” he muttered finally, and maybe it came off too harsh as Jens’ eyebrows went up.

“Then why are we here?”

“I don’t know,” Lucas said, jerking his shoulders, more annoyed at himself than anything. “I thought maybe—” He huffed out a breath, knowing Jens was watching him. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

He glanced over as Jens sat back, licking his lip slowly, thoughtfully. Why couldn’t Jens just know? Why did Lucas have to say it?

“You want to know why I had to move here?” he asked finally, watching a light blink on the dash. He knew Jens was watching him, waiting for some kind of explanation. “I didn’t set anything on fire or get in a fight with a bunch of homophobes.” He hadn’t done any of those things, those rumors, that had floated around school about him. He swallowed, staring out the front window at the rain gathering on the glass. “My mom had a breakdown, and they had to send her to a clinic. I tried to… break in, see her, but I got caught. My dad was so pissed and since he was moving here anyway, he forced me to come with him, forced me to leave her.”

Lucas hadn’t talked about it, about his mom, not even really with Kes. It had been months and he hadn’t even gotten to see her. Visiting hours were so short and his dad didn’t seem to want to acknowledge it at all.

For a long minute, Jens didn’t say anything as Lucas sighed. He hadn’t planned on telling anyone the real reason, had planned on letting them make up their own increasingly wild theories about what had happened so they’d leave him alone. But Jens had come with him, jumped in the car with barely a second glance, deserved _something_ to explain why Lucas did the things he did.

“Shit,” Jens said finally, and Lucas almost laughed. So succinct. So simple. Shit. “Is she okay? You know, Robbe’s mom was in a clinic for a while. She got out and she’s doing a lot better.”

Lucas didn’t care about Robbe’s mom. He didn’t care about whatever advice Jens might have on the subject. That wasn’t why he’d driven them all the way out there, to the middle of nowhere.

“I didn’t want to come here,” Lucas said instead. “I didn’t want to move here, make friends, try to _fit in_. I just want to get this year over with.”

Jens nodded slowly. “So then why the hell are we out here?”

Sighing, Lucas set his hands on the steering wheel, the windshield obscured by water droplets, reflecting the green field beyond the car. Jens wasn’t going to make this easy, and he didn’t deserve it to be easy.

“Because I like you,” Lucas said, blunt, feeling his heart crawling into his throat, an unbidden thud against his Adam’s apple, as though he was actually nervous. He didn’t think he’d ever said that to anyone before.

Jens didn’t react to that, chewing on his lip, tilting his head to the side, and Lucas cursed to himself as his blood pounded in his veins. “You like me,” he repeated after a second. “And do you want to be with me?”

Lucas frowned. He wasn’t sure how things like this were supposed to go. Most of the time, he didn’t have to say anything. People just understood. “Yes,” he said finally, “but—”

“No buts,” Jens interrupted, a smile growing on his face, and Lucas shot him a look.

“But,” he pushed on, “I don’t know what that means. I don’t know how to…” He shook his head. “I hate those gross couples who make everything about them. What exactly does together mean?”

Jens looked surprised at Lucas’ response. He didn’t see how it was so surprising. His only relationship role models were either his parents, who had lasted all of fifteen unhappy years together before imploding, or his friends, who went through girlfriends at a surprising speed.

“It’s different for everyone,” Jens said finally. “My last girlfriend, we spent most of our time making out or fighting. We don’t have to do what other couples do, or we can do all of it. There are no rules on how to be together.” He paused, watching Lucas. “Is that what freaks you out? Having to be like everyone else?”

“No.” Lucas scowled, although the thought had occurred to him.

Jens smiled, though, as if he knew Lucas wasn’t telling the truth. “Okay. Well, we’ve established that you like me, and you want to be with me, so I have a question for you.”

Unimpressed, Lucas looked back at Jens, the rain-streaked window behind him obscuring the field. How many more questions could he have? How much longer was he going to drag this out for? Lucas had admitted how he felt, what he wanted. Maybe he hadn’t acknowledged that he’d screwed up, but he thought it was pretty obvious.

“Are you gonna kiss me or do I have to do it?”

Rolling his eyes, Lucas didn’t hesitate this time, leaning over and pulling Jens to his mouth. It felt like nothing had changed as Jens smiled against his lips and dragged him closer, exhaling gently as their lips parted and met again. Warmth blossomed in his chest, an unusually good feeling accompanying the way he kissed Jens slowly.

“Is that a smile?” Jens teased when they parted, and Lucas shoved his shoulder.

“Shut up.”

Jens paused for a second, licking his lips, hand still on the back of Lucas’ neck, eyes sincere as he caught Lucas’. “I get this is not going to be anything resembling normal, but I’m okay with that.”

Lucas couldn’t stop the small smile at his lips as he let out a breath. This wasn’t how he’d expected moving here to go, that he’d ever meet someone like Jens—someone he actually liked, someone who wasn’t terrible in this stupid place, someone who rightfully called him out on his bullshit.

Lucas kissed Jens against instead of answering, hoping that might be enough to convey everything he was feeling, all the words he couldn’t say, and he felt Jens’ arms slide around his shoulders, warm and safe.

“So,” Jens said finally when their lips were sore, hands heavy, smiles easy. “Where are we going?”

“I have no idea,” Lucas replied. “And I still don’t have my phone, so we’ll have to find the way back ourselves.”

“We’ll be fine,” Jens assured him as Lucas started the car back up.

As they pulled onto the road, Lucas couldn’t help sighing, content. They would be fine.

“Do you even have a license?” Jens asked as they zoomed down the road, and Lucas smirked as he glanced over, placing an easy hand on Jens’ thigh.

“No.”

*

FIN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end! Thanks to everyone who read along. Chapters aren't really my thing, so good on you for sticking in there! Hope you enjoyed :)


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